Internal Family Systems helps translate internal conflict to bring couples closer.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic approach that helps individuals understand and work with their internal parts or subpersonalities. It is based on the idea that each person has multiple parts or subpersonalities, each with their own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. These parts or subpersonalities can be positive or negative and can be in conflict with each other, leading to emotional and psychological difficulties.
IFS therapy can be incredibly helpful for couples, as it can help them to understand and work with the internal parts or subpersonalities that are impacting their relationship. By identifying and understanding these parts, couples can gain insight into the underlying issues that are causing conflicts and difficulties in their relationship.
We are made of 4 fundamental parts:
Managers
Managers are responsible for preemptive protection. They shape our interactions with the external world, aiming to shield us from potential harm inflicted by others. Managers work to avert the flooding of painful or traumatic feelings into our awareness. For instance, a manifestation of this could be perfectionism, where we strive for flawlessness to avoid being criticized for errors.
Exiles
Exiles carry pain, shame, fear, or trauma, often originating from childhood experiences. Managers and firefighters collaborate to keep these exiles hidden from our conscious mind, preventing the resurfacing of this distressing pain.
Firefighters
Firefighters emerge when exiles demand attention and threaten to breach the surface. These aspects divert our focus from the hurt or shame experienced by exiles. They guide us towards impulsive behaviors such as overeating, drug use, violence, or inappropriate sexual activity. In subtler ways, firefighters also shift our attention by excessively engaging in activities like overworking or over-medicating.
The Self
Within the IFS paradigm, individuals are perceived as being composed of interconnected parts. Yet, there exists a central, authentic self that encompasses their wholeness. This spiritual center, known as the Self, stands apart from the various parts. Even those predominantly influenced by these parts retain access to the Self's healing attributes: curiosity, interconnectedness, compassion, and tranquility. This notion reinforces the idea that, despite the complexities of our internal landscape, a core of healing and resilience remains within us.
By working with a therapist experienced in IFS, couples can gain new insights into themselves and their relationship, leading to greater understanding, compassion, and connection.
Comments