01.
Some couples have yet to realize they are neurodiverse. When they finally do, a diagnosis can feel like a relief after years of pain and contention. One common complaint from a partner may be that they are being "gaslighted” by the neurodiverse partner; accused of being irrational and not having their experience / feelings validated. The neurodiverse partner can feel overwhelmed and misunderstood. Common differences in communication are logical vs. emotional, concrete vs. abstract, absolute vs. relative, and avoidant vs. insistent.
The first step is to help couples identify just how differences in their wiring affect their interaction cycles. Next is to break blame and shame patterns and find acceptance in differences through a structured step by step process that helps you rediscover love and acceptance.
I provide a structured approach to couples therapy using elements of EFT, Gottman Method, CBT, Attachment Theory, Relational Life Therapy, Internal Family Systems and more.
02.
Most couples enter therapy seeking improved in communication. This is indeed the bedrock of nurturing a deeper connection with a partner. My process starts with de-escalating the negative cycle, returning to basics, and restructuring communication patterns. Once safety is created, deeper unspoken truths can be explored while needs of each partner can be expressed. From the start, I am focused on creating a safe environment in order to foster vulnerability and increased intimacy.
I have an eclectic approach using methodologies that are backed by research. They all have their strengths (EFT, Gottman, IFS, Etc.) However, the most important element of effective couples work is therapeutic rapport. It increases the odds of a successful treatment outcome (Gurman, & Snyder, 2011.) This is where my combination of theoretical expertise and life experience working with people in all walks of life is invaluable.
Major life events like career changes, the arrival of a child, an affair, or grief and loss can bring about a shift in relational dynamics. My goal is to help couples work past blame and shame to grow together instead of apart while retaining their own identity. I provide a structured approach to couples therapy using elements of EFT, the Gottman Method, CBT, Attachment Theory, Relational Life Therapy, Internal Family Systems, and more.
03.
Individuals in long term relationships with neurodiverse partners particularly ones on the spectrum may suffer from a form of ongoing relationship trauma called Cassandra Affective Deprivation Disorder. They face a profound struggle to communicate effectively and to have their feelings and perspectives acknowledged. This continual lack of validation and understanding can lead to significant emotional distress, anxiety, and even depression. I have extensive experience working with spouses of partners who are on the spectrum or have ADHD and face this and other challenges. I am here to support you in your journey to reconnect with yourself and heal these trauma wounds. Some of the things we will work on:
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Recognizing and validating personal needs and proactively addressing them. Over years of emotional neglect, individuals frequently remain oblivious to their requirements and feel undeserving of fulfillment.
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How to prioritize self-care: be gentile on yourself. Those who've faced emotional neglect within relationships often struggle with self-nurturing.
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Learning exceptional self-compassion, particularly if self-criticism prevails, as in cases of self-blame for marital struggles.
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Developing a personal life of your own outside the relationship.
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Developing and maintaining a support system (friends, family, therapist.)
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Restructuring false beliefs that your needs aren't worthy of fulfillment.
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Strategies for emotional regulation - manage residual symptoms, anxiety, and distress.
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Address strategies for healing and reconnecting with your partner.
04.
I help my ADHD clients and clients on the spectrum with self-compassion and developing skills to cope with the demands of a neuro'typical' world. My customized approach will help guide and tap into the inner teacher we all have. I am committed to helping individuals find healing, growth, and relationship transformation. This begins with building rapport. The wellspring of effective psychotherapy.
I provide support and guidance for highly driven men and women going through challenges such as depression, stress or anxiety, self-esteem, and career. Whether it is the cycle of life, health crisis, a move, a loss, relational struggles or change of circumstances, we can become overwhelmed. All too often there is a confluence of things that happen all at once. We thought we could handle it all but our body and psyche say no. I have a compassionate, accepting, curious approach that melds joining the client with various therapeutic methodologies and evidence-based practices.
05.
Unfortunately, affairs transcend race, culture, sexuality, age, and socio-economic background. Whether it be emotional or sexual, infidelity is traumatic. The betrayed partner can develop depression, anxiety, and symptoms similar to PTSD while the unfaithful partner can be plagued with guilt. My first step is crisis management to stabilize your lives so the therapeutic work can begin.
We will then explore and consider the benefits of a full therapeutic disclosure. This is a process that provides betrayed partners with peace of mind by allowing the offending party to safely reveal all the damaging secrets in a controlled setting. This facilitates smoother recovery and reduces the chances of future 'leaky disclosure.' A leaky or staggered disclosure occurs when the partner engaged in problematic behavior offers a partial revelation, driven by shame or a sincere desire to shield their partner from further anguish. Typically, the betrayed partner subsequently discovers additional details regarding the transgressions, either inadvertently, through investigation, or as a result of the transgressor's subsequent admissions. A staggered disclosure usually leads to a deepening mistrust in the relationship.
● The party responsible for the betrayal: Prior to the event, 58% believed that therapeutic disclosure was the appropriate course of action, and after the event, this number rose significantly to 96%.
● The betrayed partners: Before the disclosure, 81% of them considered it the right thing to do, and post-disclosure, 93% remained convinced it was the correct course of action.
If partners are willing, compassionate, and persistent, it can be an opportunity for tremendous growth. Affairs may be a reflection of long-standing wounds or struggles that pre-dated the marriage as well as patterns that developed during the relationship. Understanding why the affair occurred is critical to getting on a productive path to affair recovery. Using a step-by-step process, I will compassionately steer couples through this minefield.
06.
It is in the best interest of a child for parents to sustain a supportive collaborative relationship. I leverage my training and personal experience as a father to help couples develop parenting and co-parenting plans and maintain a safe, secure, nurturing environment for their children to thrive. When done successfully, parenting or co-parenting counseling can improve the child’s confidence and self-esteem whether a marriage is intact or after separation or divorce.
07.
It is in the best interest of a child for parents to sustain a supportive collaborative relationship. I leverage my training and personal experience as a father to help couples develop parenting and co-parenting plans and maintain a safe, secure, nurturing environment for their children to thrive. When done successfully, parenting or co-parenting counseling can improve the child’s confidence and self-esteem after separation or divorce.